Existentialism

2013 seems almost too long ago

I couldn't exactly pinpoint what is wrong with my life.
It always seemed so right at that time, and when I look back, I would probably have lived it differently.

It's gonna two more years before I hit 30!
It is scary.

To be honest the past few weeks, or months, I was feeling slightly nonchalant about life, having no idea why people live the way they live, when everyone will eventually end up dead anyways.

What? Are you going to being your hobby to your grave? Are you going to bring your money and fame and glory to your grave?
Death is only meaningful for the living. when you're dead, why do you care?

For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing.



Well, anyways, the thought of dying scares me recently. Not that I'd die. Of course I'll die.. but that the thought of some one who could just cease to exist, that scares me. That we could live a full 60, 70, 80 years of life, and then one day, you will not be here.


Some people regret not leaving a legacy..
Some people regret not having a continuity (ie. children.. who eventually will die anyways right? but that's not the point. )
Some people regret not LIVING (whatever that means).


What would you like to do in your short span of life?

You never know when it's the last time you do something, until it is too late.

SO that was some pretty awesome three-month rest.

Lyn says I am busy for a jobless person.. Haha. I am (was), indeed!

Germany

For the first two weeks I actually went for a holiday with Jer to Germany. That was really an ADVENTURE. It all started last year when Ain just texted me to say there's a promotion going on for Lufthansa, so I just booked the tickets the same day. I probably have already decided on leaving the blood bank then.

I then told Jer, who was pretty depressed that day due to work stress, that I am quitting my job and planning for my trip to Germany. And she said she wants to join me and go Germany! Booked her tickets as well within the same hour, I think. No wonder I love her.

So.. that went well.


March was supposedly the start of Spring, but the temperature was still -5 to 0 degrees in Germany. And somehow we got hit by blizzard during out stop-over in Frankfurt, and our connecting flight got cancelled.

How exciting right?!

All I could think of at that time was how lucky I am that Jer is around with me :))

We had to either wait for 10 hours for the next flight, or switch our flight to a train to get to Tubingen. We decided to take the train, cos' we were freezing and we don't want to stay in the airport for so long!

Turns out we did have to stay in the airport for quite some time still, because they decided to transfer our baggage to the next FLIGHT, when we already told them that we are taking the train. Which resulted in us waiting by the belt and running around the airport/train station for more than 6 hours to get our luggage.

I concluded after the trip that Frankfurt might not belong to Germany because they absolutely do not have the qualities that fits the German image. Late trains, cancelled flights, wrong platforms, careless and inefficient service. This is not Germany.

It was fortunate (or not) that we took the train because the subsequent flight also got cancelled!

We finally reached Tubingen at 5pm, instead of 9am. Super tired from all the dramas, but still have enough energy to get my BB prepaid and some H&M shopping!!


The rest of the trip was really fun, although traveling did take a toll on our bodies and half the time we were really cold and grumpy. But nothing beats meeting up with a friend studying overseas, and walking along new streets in a new city/country.

First snow experience! view from Ain's window.

Ritter Sport Museum at Stuttgart

Visited the famous Disney castle, Schloss Neuschwanstein, in Schwangau

Munich City

Got lost in the humongous Englischer Garten, Munich.

Englischer Garten

Englischer Garten

Pictures taken from a viewing tower in Munich.

Berlin's Brandenburg Gate

In the middle of the Holocaust Memorial, Berlin

Not forgetting the Berlin wall!

 

Visited the East Side Gallery, another part of the Berlin Wall.

First Snowman! :)

Also went to the wealthy Hamburg city!

Visited the grand Hohenzollern Castle in Stuttgart, the only castle still owned by the Hohenzollern family.

And that's a nice picture of the three of us at Hohenzollern!

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BABY-SITTING

After the trip, I just bummed around at home. And a few days later, I started babysitting for my pregnant sister. It was so enjoyable playing with my niece! Good practice for the future too, haha.

I mean I used to always think some moms are really crazy that they can differentiate what the baby wants. Cos' the baby is just going like "meh meh meh." or "maaa maa ma maaaaa", and they will go "OH..She is very hungry. She is asking you to feed her milk now".

I mean, what are the possibilities that your baby wants you to cook chicken rice for her?! of course it's either she's hungry or sleepy or uncomfortable right?!  The sounds that they make all just sound the same to me lor.


BUT, after a few weeks with her, hahaaha....I can really tell what she wants, or what she is trying to say. Or at least I think I do.  She just go "shhh shhh shhh", and  I know she wants me to sing Wheels on the Bus. Or she will go "daaahhhhh" meaning Twinkle twinkle little star. Or "shhherrrr" meaning Treasure!

Like how freaky is this! And I am pretty sure it doesn't mean anything if she says this to other people cos' it is really just baby talk.

But yeah, OK, I get it, have to reserve my judgement next time when I see babies go "bababa" and the mom goes "daddy please go and get some barley for her, she wants to drink barley, hot one,without barley, no ice "

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TUITION
Started tutoring again! It is damn far lor. But I think I kinda like traveling around different parts of Singapore, often, just for the fun of it and familiarizing myself.

Sometimes I feel like I don't really know Singapore, cos' just a few months ago I still though Pasir Panjang is near Bukit Panjang. SIGH............

But yeah! Tutoring is good practice for future too! And it is really quite fun =D

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I took up Spanish with Nicole!!  HOLA! ¿Cómo estás?

It actually started in Germany when we met a Spanish girl and a Mexican girl in Munich, and I was discussing with Jer the language we would want to learn if we have the time, and we both agreed on Spanish! (of course she have already learned Japanese, so Spanish is after Japanese for her)

German is just too difficult for me, and it just sounds nicer, than speaking it.

And somehow, fate or destiny caught up, and Nic texted me to see if I am interested to learn a new language.

Awesome...

So.. yar lor, español it is! Getting really confusing these few weeks! I wouldn't be able to understand if i watch a show in spanish for sure, haha. It would be awesome if i could stay in Spain or S.America to just live IN the language. :)

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DRIVING! 

Like for goodness-sake, finally!

I had to go for an eye test (due to my lazy eye) just to apply for a PDL. 

The first time I wanted to learn was before I went to UQ, and I failed the test immediately cos' they require me to have a doctor's letter. 

Like OMG. ultimate fail, you all can not win me. It's not even the basic theory yet, and I failed the APPLICATION process. Bet you guys didn't know you can fail even before applying, haha!

So the 2nd time was this year. I already got my doctor's letter from NUH eye clinic when I was still working in NUH. But this time, BBDC said that the letter must be written within 3 months, and they actually want to see "fit for driving" in the letter. My doctor wrote "eye sight is good". Not good enough for BBDC apparently, Sigh!

SO.. I had to go and see the eye doctor again, get her to write "fit for driving" and go back BBDC. 

This doctor, being a doctor, is damn rubbish. Even after telling her that I need her to write "fit for driving" exactly, guess what she wrote?

"Eyesight meets the criteria required for Level 4 license"

Literally wanted to bang my head against the wall. 

Anyways, I went to BBDC again to try my luck, and fortunately they accepted it. HENG AH!

So, I got my PDL.  YAY!

Reallly, HAISH... it's not even an actual license and I already have to go through all these shit.

But so far, driving was fun. Hehe. My instructor is really good and very patient with me so far. Hoping for one-time pass! Really can not afford to, and don't want to, apply for PDL again!

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NEW JOB

Got a new job after a few difficult interviews. I have started for almost a month actually. 

It's funny how fate works.

I was happy with just a diploma initially, cos I really have had enough of studying after going to SP.

But without working in Quest, I wouldn't have thought I would actually want to get a degree.

If I haven't went to UQ, I wouldn't know how enjoyable studying is, and there is indeed a difference between studying and learning. 

And the classic, if I haven't worked in the blood bank, I wouldn't have know I am blood type B instead of type-O, like what my mom have been telling me for the past 24 years. 

I actually had an epiphany on this, and that people can only say and tell you what you are, but you may not be it!
 

I feel like I wouldn't trade anything to change my past now. It's perfect the way it worked out now. The people I have met, friends I have made, friends I have lost, friends I have kept close..

I actually don't think I would ever want go back to the lab again. At least not a Singapore lab.

I can't remember when was the last gel I made, or ran. 

I can't remember the last time I held a pipette, or the last time I did streaking. 

You never know until it is too late right?

maybe i will never wear gloves again, or hold a test tube . 

maybe i will never touch an electrophoresis tank again. 

Maybe this is what it's like to be growing up.

PASSWORD

For the first time in my life I have a 15 character long password!

at least 1 caps letter,
more than 8 characters,
a number,
and a symbol.

I can not believe it myself.

This is what I have been trying to say for the past 10 years I tell you!

Why Men Aren’t Really Men Anymore

( http://elitedaily.com/life/culture/why-men-arent-really-men-anymore/ )

Life • Paul Hudson • May 29, 11:39am

There was once a time when men used to be real men. When they dressed with style, when they had a certain honor code they followed that involved treating not only their elders and each other with respect, but women alike. Unfortunately, those days are far- gone — a thing of the past. What we have now is… to be quite honest, I’m not sure.


There are of course certain men out there who still have their affairs in order, but we are few in number. What people are most often subject to is the company of boys who are refusing to grow up and man up — boys who prefer to play with their toys than to do their part in bettering society, the human race and the world as a whole. These poor excuses for men have the bodies of adults and the mentalities, as well as the social outlook of toddlers. Horny toddlers, but toddlers nonetheless.


It’s all about character — or in this case, the lack of character. Something has been happening during this era dubbed the “information age.” Social media platforms have taken away the need to interact face to face, taking away the need for actual interaction. This is great in many regards: you can now keep in touch with friends and family all over the world from a handheld device.

However, much of the interpersonal confrontations are now also taking place online. People no longer feel that they have a need to meet in person to discuss their differences; they can now troll each other online. 

People are using the Internet as a shield, hiding behind IP addresses in order to speak their minds. The Internet acts like beer-muscles. It makes you believe that you are stronger than you actually are, making you more aggressive. There is nothing wrong with being aggressive when circumstances require it.


Personally, when my fight or flight response mechanism kicks in, I always go with fight. It’s not by choice; it’s just the way that I am wired. Online, people have no need to run away because they are already in hiding — so they always choose to “fight.” Although the fighting they do is just about as significant as the fighting I do when I play Call of Duty.


The same interaction from beneath cover can be seen when we look at the intercommunication between men and women. It is no secret that both men and women alike have sexual urges. Men, however, feel the need to get off more often than most women. So instead of having to spend the time to meet a real woman and have actual sexual intercourse, they watch porn.


Instead of going out into the real world and meeting women, they stalk women on Instagram. People now date online as well. It’s much easier to talk to a woman online than it is in person—or rather, it’s not that it’s easier. Both are just as easy, but for some reason, men now prefer to hide their faces behind their monitors. (Every time I use the term ‘men’ in such context I quiver) It’s out of fear and laziness. Men have become lazy pussies. I don’t even want to use the word pussy because it brings to mind women, who nowadays have much more character than men.

Generation-Y is the instant gratification generation. We want what we want right at the moment we figure out that we want it. We are willingly giving up one of the most important things in life: the waiting period. Having to wait and having to deal with our urges and wants without instantly having them satisfied is what builds character and is what we are now lacking in this fast-paced age.


If we want food, we order it online and have it delivered. If we want to listen to our favorite song, we find it on YouTube, iTunes or Spotify. If we want to watch a movie, we either buy it on demand or stream it online. If we want sex, we masturbate. If we want to have a good time, we do drugs. We have this false belief that doing things faster will give us a life more fulfilled — that it will lead to us being happier. But that isn’t the case. Most of us aren’t happier. We do more, but we experience less. We are never in the moment because we are always considering what we will be doing next in order to not become bored.


Character is most often built during those moments between activities, during moments of solitude and reflection. Men no longer feel the need to pause and reflect because the options for whatever it is they want are only a click away. The options are endless and therefore we never truly experience disappointment.

We never really feel that we are missing out on something because we no longer give things much importance. Jackie never got back to your text message? I’m sure you have several other women in your contacts that you’d equally like to f*ck — once. Then you’ll get bored and move on to the next one. Men treat women like interchangeable commodities. I do believe that most men still hope to one day fall in love and settle down. But none of them will unless they change their way of thinking and living.


Being focused on self-satisfaction will lead to nothing but broken relationships. Real men are not selfish. Real men are just as concerned for the feelings, needs and minds of women as they are for their own — not just women’s bodies and their sexual usefulness. Real men have a well-defined code of ethics and respect that they follow.


How can anyone call himself a man if the last time he had to confront another man — whether it be over a social incident or for business purposes — was before he hit puberty? If you don’t have the twiddle-diddles to approach a woman at a bar in person and have a proper, intellectual conversation, making the woman feel respected and comfortable, then move over for the real men.

It’s awful because women are becoming accustomed to such boys and believing that these pansies are all that is left of our sex. Some great women are settling for these fools and then finding that they themselves have no choice but to wear the pants in the family because their “man” is PMSing. All I can hope for is that the law of evolution will see the world rid of these weaklings, these characterless, hopeless pseudo-men.


Ladies… real men do exist; there aren’t many of us, but we’re survivors and will be around for a while. Come find us.

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Apparently blogger is not so famous now, so they don't have repost, or share to blogger. So I can only copy and paste.


Anyway, this is my second homepage now besides yahooSG. It really seems like it is a very serious news website with its black and white decor, but it's more like an educational entertainment news website for me.

The articles really really really speaks my mind I tell you!

Everything there is just so sensible and adult and what mature people would think or do! Which is totally the opposite of yahoo news. I hope they don't change their writers.


Not targeting anyone in particular, but just tryna say that most of the men nowadays are really of terrible quality! If you know what I mean!!


But of course I am not saying that women are the best creatures of all, some of them are really hopeless too.  But that's life dude! Men should be how men should be!

Pride and Prejudice

I forgot how much I loved reading when I was younger, much much younger, during my primary school days.

Somehow reading became a chore over the years. I stopped reading the newspapers daily, I only read off from Yahoo News, I can't remember the last time I held a book besides Twilight. I'm glad we don't have textbooks in school, just notes, because I won't read it.

But I have the time now, and it's time to catch up on the classics. Reading Pride & Prejudice now, and Sense and Sensibility. *beams*


The books I read before this seems so trashy now (think Twilight, 50 shades of grey etc...) Ok, no. Twilight is awesome. And since 50 shades of grey is inspired from Twilight it makes sense it is equally awesome. #twilightfanforever!!


So anyway.. I figured out that I have to install an ebook reader app so I could read using my iPad mini. (I totally thought I had to live off iBooks before this and so regretted not getting a Kindle or a Nexus 7). And so I installed this app called Kobo.

You have to set up a free account and OK it is not all  free, but the classics are all free.

Tried out this app to see if it's good, thinking it'd better be cos' I really hate setting up accounts. It is such a hassle!


Started out with reading the Midnight Sun by Stephanie Meyer. It is not the incomplete draft from a few years back, I found the completed one, although the authenticity of this is pretty suspicious, but it is still very exciting to read from Edward's POV!


And then I read the Hunger Games Series.
SO GOOD.
I'm waiting for the movie now.


Then The Little Prince.
Such an innocent book.
Yes, it is a children's book.

Then some others.
And.. that's how it started.


Kobo app approved.



Anyway, so I am trying to read the Classics now. But it is really really difficult and it's super cheeem for me at this stage. I'm at 20% of Pride & Prejudice and I just couldn't follow who said what and who's talking and where they are.


So I went to watch the movie version first.  The 2005 movie starring Kiera Knightly. I remember liking her a lot during Secondary school days.

HAHA, cheating.

Ahh...... now I understand.


Although the guy in the movie is quite different from what I have read so far, character-wise.


And the movie is really GOOD actually!
I recommend it.
My kind of movie. :D
And I'm guessing that the book is going to be better since it almost always worked out this way.

I like this part of the movie, her in the swing. :)

Can't believe how much have not changed since 1813, that's exactly 200 years ago since this book was published, and it surprises me how aptly this movie still applies in our current society.

Yes, so much pride and prejudice.


Hope to finish the book soon!

I'm really enjoying reading now. 
It's just so peaceful to immerse in a book as the clock ticks on around you.

:)

SO VEXED.

Life has been great, and not great at the same time.

It's impossible.

Impossible how confusing my past week had been.

Traumatizing interview.

Traumatizing tuition.
(ok not so much as traumatized but more of pissed off.)

Yet I find it all so comforting having my days reading books

watching Runningman 

some Candy Crush

 having a clean home...

Great, but not great.

Annoyance

I didn't know this before, but I get really OCD when it comes to food, MY food especially.

Maybe it has got something to do with my recent discovery that my blood group is B Positive, and B Pos people are just painfully anal in general.

But yeah, don't ever mess with my food or my man! It's just plain rude and inconsiderate, and I get really pissed.


Did I mention how much I hate it in Singapore lately?

Ugh.

Going into depression soon.